A Fitful Day
There was only the slightest whooshing sound. Followed by a dull thump.
Gerard poked his head around the corner, where the foreign diplomat he'd been talking to early (and nearly bored to death by) was now lying face down on the floor.
Rather than a bizarre local custom, Gerard figured the pool of blood blooming from his body had something to do with his position. A small part of him floated with relief, at least he wouldn't be solicited to give this guy access to his bank account, into which would be funneled some thirty million US dollars worth of his country's currency until it could get laundered away, leaving a million. The rest of himself was dismayed at this small part, because he felt he shouldn't have felt relief at anyone's death, no matter how like a life-size, walking version of spam he might seem. Another small part of him, when it was done lording over the other small part of himself noticed the sheer stocking, bloodied, draped from a painting directly above the diplomat's body. And couldn't help but think the rest of himself should be paying attention to that small detail.
It looked like the Australian boomerang stocking killer had returned to their hitherto happy burg.
disclaimer:
Oh man, oh man, oh man have you ever asked for it. Have you ever done it now.
As I write this we're at #239, 778 in sales on Amazon.com. Not good, folks, not good. Isn't it so tempting? Just clicking on that link over there? Checking out a copy of the old Fenway Fiction? Look! There's a link right there, you could click on that one, even!
Or... wait, I have it... how's about this? Even though buying the book should be its own reward, I have an excellent idea. Here goes. Coming right up.
I will read from the book, in a public place. Say, a book store. Like the Booklover Gourmet, in beautiful Webster, Massachusetts. Let's say, hmm, let me think now... over the holidays, maybe, in that down time between Christmas and New Years... how's about December 28th, from 6pm to 7pm. Deal? I'll read (or not, whatever popular opinion demands), as will Adam. As will the subject of my story in the collection, Johnny Damon, where he'll also be signing, in public, the bottom of his brand spanking new contract with the Sox, for three years and a dollar seventeen a year, because he really loves playing in Boston. And Theo will be making a triumphant return by leaping up on stage, whipping Scott Boras with a switch and announcing his return to the Red Sox as interim GM (much like Steve Jobs and Apple a couple of years ago, only without Pixar or anything - Theo will be wearing an iPod, to make the parallel almost uncanny). And then Nomar will come in with Pedro, and they'll go up and hug Johnny, and announce their triumphant return to the Red Sox. And Pedro will pull a midget out of his pocket, which might get us into trouble with certain midget abuse groups, but it's Petey, so we'll try and assuage their fears of a rash of midget mistreatment, I'm not sure how, but we'll think of something in the time between now and the 28th of December. And the midget will be wearing a suit made out of copies of Fenway Fiction, which might be something you'll want to do, and before you know it people will be in various states of undress/redress as they get out of their boring old clothes and into brand new softcover Fenway Fiction, wearable, readable clothing! I mean, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to miss that, really. What a story to tell the grandkids! Obviously, I don't want my parents telling that to their grandkids, because then I'll have a problem on my hands any time the kid wants to do anything crazy and/or stupid, and he counters my refusal to let him do it with a "Well, you got Pedro to pull a midget dressed in a suit made out of copies of the anthology you contributed to out of his pocket and a whole book store to follow suit (ha ha!) and the poor owner of Booklover Gourmet had to clean all that mess up." But other people, feel free to tell your grandkids about it. Imagine how cool they'd think you were, back then, when you attended wacky events like that.
Or we'll do the best we can, getting our people to the event, so long as you get to the event. Hell, if you need a ride, let us know, and we'll give you a lift, if at all possible.
So there you have it. And if you buy seven copies, we'll even sign them for you. Okay, okay, even if you buy only one, we'll sign it for you. But no chit-chat.
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