Breaking News: Boston Devastated By Terrorists
In all the recent fuss and misdirections, we had missed it until just now, but terrorists have been working diligently behind the scenes, striking in the most unexpected way and timing, following, as it were, the Democratic National Convention wrapping up in Boston last week amidst heightened security in Boston.
Security alerts issued following this weekend also served to misdirect attention from the real attack carried out by the terrorists just this Saturday.
While people were concerned with further attacks on buildings and infrastructure, the real maneuvers that belie the true reach and power of the Al-Qaeda network were executed on Saturday afternoon just before 4:00PM, Eastern Standard Time. These machinations would completely devastate Boston, Massachusetts and much of New England.
The earliest seeds of the actions can be traced back as far as a couple years ago, when the groundwork was lain, if not earlier.
In the spring of 2001, operatives managed to break the wrist of Nomar Garciaparra, the star shortstop for the Boston Red Sox, causing him to miss the entire season for the ballclub. While seemingly innocuous at first, due to niggling little injuries suffered by the player over the previous few years, this wrist injury would set the table for future events.
In the following years operatives would thwart attempts to sign Nomar to longer term contracts by serving as intermediaries between Arn Tellem, Nomar's agent and the owners of the Boston Red Sox. Nothing was deemed suspect at the time, as typical negotiations between players and owners are multi-faceted productions with misunderstandings and miscommunications all the time. After a $60 million contract over four years was turned down a further offer was made that never even made it back to the player, due to the operatives hard at work.
Just this past winter, Al-Qaeda operatives executed the final stages of their plan by cooking up rumors of a trade with the Texas Rangers for another shortstop, which would deem Garciaparra extra goods, to be dealt at the owner's leisure, and fed this story to the Boston Globe's sports department.
After a few defections from the department and mysterious disappearances, suspicions that the department has long been infiltrated by antagonistic forces have become more and more plausible.
The penultimate act was to injure Nomar's Achilles sheath this past spring by breaking into his hotel room, in which he was staying for spring break training down in Fort Myers, and injecting an unknown poison into his Achilles, which sidelined him for months, all the while making him look like, to quote recently confiscated documents from cell members operating on "Operation No-More," as the operation was called in Al-Qaeda circles, "a fakin' mama's boy."
The devastating terror attack culminated in the events of 31 July, 2004, in which Nomar Garciaparra, in a now seemingly inevitable move due to both his, the owners', and the fans (to a degree) discontent, was traded to the Chicago Cubs for a packet of potato chips, a shortstop, and a first baseman. It left a city and a region stunned, too numb to move, susceptible to nightmares and fits for a few nights, if not the remainder of the summer. Possibly at the least.
These are the facts as they stand at present. There are suspicions that this plot is actually considerably further reaching than it seems at first, and that Al-Qaeda may have either convinced Allah to create Nomar in a certain manner or have developed advanced genetically engineering capabilities that may have rendered Nomar particularly susceptible to simultaneously being drafted by the Boston Red Sox, being prone to niggling injuries, entirely too reserved for the myopic media attention of a town like Boston, and destined to marry another Californian, to whom the east coast may have seemed alien and inhospitable, if only because all Californians are certifiably insane.
A commission will be formed to investigate what has happened, how it may have been prevented, but it is feared it may be too little, too late. Especially if genetic engineering and/or the will of Allah is involved.
disclaimer:
As you know, baseball is not life or death. But it can seem like, sometimes, that it's that horrible in betweener of your long time life partner leaving you. As these kids in the Red Sox community can attest to.
And stealing your kids. And setting fire to the house. And kicking the dog on the way out the door. And then kicking the neighbour's dog and getting the blame placed on you for the incident.
But then, a couple years down the road you recycle the posters and jerseys and everything and someone else will come along. Eventually.
But, in the meantime, it sucks, for whatever reasons and for whomever's to blame and whether or not the time may be right to part, at any rate.
God damnit, Nomar, we're gonna miss you, anyway.