The Horoscopes
Taurus April 20 - May 20
Much mischief will be had on Friday.
Spend Tuesday through late Thursday night collecting whipped cream canisters for the big day.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Be strong, little one, this week.
Because someone's going to ask you to lift a truck this week, for a carnival that's pulled into town.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
Your house will be turned upside-down, literally, on Thursday.
You might want to make a few people stay behind to help tip it back right-side up.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
This is a week for giving thanks and taking names! Yeah!
I don't know what that means.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
The mechanics of storing meat will bemuse and befuddle you this week.
Also, you're going to see a skateboarding giraffe on Tuesday.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
You should wear dresses more often, you look stunning in them.
If you are a male Cancerian, you should look into shaving your legs, though.
I think that blue may be a bit too blue... you should only read this horoscope after you paint that room blue.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Thursday is an excellent Munchkin exchange point.
Just noting that. So. You know. Thursday. Munchkins.
Aries March 21 - April 19
Crêpes are like nectar of the gods.
To you. This week only.
Get some nectar with strawberries on top.
Libra September 23 - October 22
You will wash some of your clothes this week... and, well, you're going to need to buy some new clothes by the end of the week, or you'll be going around naked a lot.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
You've got nothing. Not even programmer/UI designers, it seems.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
There's going to be a whole lot of trouble on Saturday.
Just keep a close eye on the hose and a sack of tulip bulbs.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Someone very small will wake you up very early on Thursday.
Take some risks this week.
Start with that cinnamon bread (possibly a risk because it's the last piece, and you may face stiff competition for it).
[Horoscopes. It's here. (Tuesday)]