The Horoscopes
Hello from Dylan
Taurus April 20 - May 20
Your week is almost over.
Leo July 23 - August 22
You were quite possibly just born this week.
Say, Monday or so. Otherwise, your birthday may be Friday. If so, Happy Birthday, Ryan.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
You got your good news this week.
Also, this is only a half week for you. Enjoy the beginning part of it lounging in a chaise lounge.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
You will have a short week this week.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Don't peek behind the fridge this week, it's not pretty.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
You will probably be a bit tired this week.
Take a nap or two.
Oh, and I know an Aquarius that loves you.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
You will meet someone famous this week.
Hopefully, for your sake, it's not anyone from a reality television program of which you've never heard, thereby stretching the definition of famous to include completely nonfamous cases.
Aries March 21 - April 19
You will have oodles of charm this week.
Libra September 23 - October 22
Water cooler talk will be all about you this week.
Just try and make sure it's other people initiating the talk about you, and not yourself... that's just lame.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Or something like that.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Take a bath this week.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Don't plan on sleeping this week.
Or, if you do plan on it, plan on having your plans thrown out the window.
[Horoscopes. Bruins are back in business...]