Taurus April 20 - May 20
Little nuggets of truth can be found everywhere.
If you have kids you may find stale, day old chicken nuggets prying open your eyes ealry in the morning as a little tyke clambers up your chest.
That's just the way the week is going to go.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Burp long and proud this week.
Because this is the one week all year you're going to be able to and be congratulated on your excellent burping skills.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
You have presents arriving on Saturday.
Live for the presents, is your motto for the week. Which is a change from most weeks, when you should be just living for the present.
Living for the presents is much more exciting.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Lizard!
Sorry, my mistake.
Your week would make lesser mortals cringe, cringe I tell you!
I'm not sure why... those lesser mortals, so wimpy.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Don't let me catch you teasing the badgers this week.
This is not a euphemism for anything, you've just got a zoo trip in your future and the badger's pit is particularly close to visitors.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
You will look extremely cute in whatever you decide to wear on Thursday.
Anything.
Go on, try it.
Throw on a burlap sack and see what happens. You'll look undeniably cute. Cutest anyone's ever looked in a burlap sack.
So don't waste it by wearing just a burlap sack.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
The Polynesians are coming, the Polynesians are coming!
Hide all your tiki stuff!
Aries March 21 - April 19
You will be struggling to catch up all week.
If you'd just sit still you'd find that, in addition to the world being round, so is the natural progression of all the stuff you need to do. So you'd actually be early for when the stuff comes around this next time.
NB. If you have a paper or a project due this week you may wish to still try and finish it to remain in school or in your job.
Libra September 23 - October 22
Playdoh(tm) is not for eating.
Keep that in mind.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
You think you have it rough?
Oh yeah, you do. No horoscope for you!
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
You will be completely and utterly unable to spell properly this week.
It would be an excellent time to post to your favourite news outlet or Slashdot.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Cotton candy!!!!
You will get some this week. And I will stop this horoscope now, because you're too doped up on cotton candy to read any further.
[Horoscopes. Crazy old Newton... lived right around the corner from the Sane Magazine London offices (sadly, the offices aren't listed on this particular page).]
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