Taurus April 20 - May 20
All right, after last week's minor breakdown, they're giving the new guy a chance. So here goes. Here I am. Jumping right in. Two feet. Couple of legs to follow. Then the waist, just one waist, then the torso. Wooooo, that water looks cold. Here goes.
Right on in. Just like that... a-one, and a-two, and a-three, and go!
You, ehm. Damn. Getting back out, gonna try that one again...
Okay! Cowabunga!
Leo July 23 - August 22
Ahh... there they go, they pulled one over on the new guy, telling him there was an actual Horoscopal Pool of Integrity I had to jump in and everything. Jerks.
So if you see any Tauri around this week tell 'em I'm sorry.
Do you mind if I take a breather? I think I sprained my ankle on that last jump... it hurts like the dickens...
Virgo August 23 - September 22
Okay. Right. So. How's it going?
Well, I'm fine, thanks. 'Cept for my ankle, which I think I might have sprained jumping in that stupid pool.
So.
Oh, right! Horoscope.
Okay, okay, you ready? Here goes...
A-la-kazaam!
Oh man, look, sorry about all the doves. I used to be a magician at kid's parties... this is my first professional horoscope gig.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
So.
There's a real echo in these offices, don't you know?
Echo!
Okay, maybe it's not great, really.
Hmm. Maybe I should head back down to the pool area... there were good acoustics in there.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
I can understand that you may be reluctant to get a horoscope from me, at this stage.
That's fair enough. I mean, it's not like I've proven myself adept at horoscopal endeavours. I once predicted my aunt would win the lottery, but it turned out I was wrong, in fact. She was just being nice, it turns out. I only found out, of course, when I asked her for a small loan shortly thereafter.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
Whoa, hey, you're cute.
Soooo, come here often? I mean, to the horoscopes and everything. Not to the office. Because that's where I'm writing this, leg up on the table because of my potentially sprained ankle.
Yeah, wow. See? I told my mother I would meet hot people writing horoscopes. She had wanted me to get into being a bouncer at trendy clubs... or a lifeguard, or something, so I could meet girls.
But here you go! Woohoo! Hanging out with the Cancerians! Wow. Listen, wanna go out sometime?
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Hey! You look fit. Here, take a look at my ankle... I think I've damaged it from jumping in the pool earlier. On the edge, you know? You know how slippery it is around the edge of those indoor pools. And this one had this slimy green film all over it. It was gross, come to think of it. I'll probably catch some sort of fungal disease and die from it... damn those pranksters!
Ohh... okay, how about any painkillers, have you got any of those?
Aries March 21 - April 19
Ohhhh. Maybe I'm not feeling so well, maybe there was something in that green slime.
Ohhh... I think I'm going to be sick... I'll try desperately not to be sick all over your horoscope... but I can't... *erp* promise... ehh... much...
Libra September 23 - October 22
Listen, hold the fort a sec, I'm just going to pop off, my stomach feels decidedly dodgy right now... that pool slime has infected me or something.
Ow! Jeez! My ankle... forgot about my ankle, oh man.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
And this is nice. How's this for first day on the... oh, wait, sorry, you're a Scorpio. I've been warned about you.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Yeah, so first day on the job and I'm crumpled on the floor as I got up on the way to the bathroom to get sick, and no one will help me up. In fact, I got kicked by someone not two seconds ago!
Okay, not kicked, but, you know, they walked quite close, like.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
Well, as my last horoscope in the bunch, I have to say, well, it went quicker than I thought it would. Painless, I would say, except for the fact that I still feel like I'm going to throw up and my ankle is now, well, I've got this burning sensation in my ankle, in addition to the pain from before.
So I'm just going to chuck my notebook up on the coffee table there and sort of lie down and hope someone picks me up eventually.
[Horoscopes. Some time-wastin' stuff for ya...]
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