Taurus April 20 - May 20
Time is like a leech upon your soul this week.
That sounds very late 19th century British novelist, doesn't it?
This may, at the very least, give you the excuse to wear that shirt
with the frilly cuffs.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Life is like a new refrigerator this week.
It's big and hulking, but it sits quietly in the corner of the kitchen
and you don't really notice it until you come flying into the kitchen
on your sock feet and attempt to pull up short by the counter where
you've left your keys, and then you stop and go, "Hey, there's
something different around here."
Virgo August 23 - September 22
When you go to the zoo and the sign says "Don't Pet the Bears," well,
don't pet the bears.
Crocodiles also apply, though I don't think they signpost them quite as
often. Perhaps you should write to your local zoo keeper.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Honey catches more flies than grapes.
What this says about grapes, I don't know. Maybe they're just in need
of marketing. Try mocking up a few campaigns, see where it takes us.
Then have your people call ours.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
You will go on a trip this week.
This isn't a threat or anything. Not like a 'sleeps with the fishes'
sort of trip.
Not a 'spending more time with the family' trip.
A good, old fashioned trip.
Honest.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
You are feeling very sleepy, very very sleepy. Sleeeeeeeeepy.
And you owe someone $50, because 'snubling' is not a cross between scuba diving and snorkelling. It is what we like to call a "made-up" word.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
You got your email last week, you should be pretty darn happy with
yourself.
So, like, I wouldn't bother checking your email or anything this week.
No point, really, is there?
Have some lemon meringue.
Aries March 21 - April 19
From now on, you will all be known as "Slippy the Fish."
You'll know why after the incident on Wednesday morning. Ouch.
Libra September 23 - October 22
Convert all your household books to the metric system this week.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
Twiddle your thumbs. If you make one more peep I am turning this car
around, you hear me?
Right around.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
If one of your roommates is a Libra, and has just finished converting
all the household books to the metric system , convert all the
household books back to the English system.
Or make up your own. It's up to you.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
A stitch in time saves nine will have actual, practical meaning for you
this week.
Be sure to write down the experience, so down the road you won't think it's completely useless.
[Horoscopes. Picasso out promoting...]
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