Taurus April 20 - May 20
Keep a look out for strange characters this week.
Like Unicode sort of characters, you know? Real strange, man.
Leo July 23 - August 22
Try a new kind of food this week, preferably fruit, because fruit's good for you.
Unless you were a caveman, trying to determine what your group could and could not eat by trial and error and had never tried the greenish sort of red fruits on the trees and were going to give a go this week.
In that instance fruit might kill you.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
You will inspire a Sane Magazine title.
Unfortunately, the royalty cheque seems to have gotten lost in the mail and you will have the urge to poke the Sane Magazine staff with a very sharp stick.
This, apparently, is a very common type of feeling to have.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Don't give me that look.
You have an attitude problem this week.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
That's a funny-looking hairdo you've got on this week.
Have a cheese and ham sandwich now.
Cancer June 21 - July 22
You are looking lovely whenever it is you read this.
To check this out, run to the nearest mirror, and imagine yourself less sweaty and out of breath than the run to wherever it is you had to run to find the mirror, and distinctly unlit by fluorescent lights, if you had to escape to the work toilet to fulfill this bit of the horoscope.
The stars were right, weren't they? Uncanny, huh?
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Leeks.
There was a reason I read that in the stars, but now I'm having real troubles remembering why.
Anyway, so, leeks.
Aries March 21 - April 19
You escape the wrath of the seahorses (which you think would make an excellent film title, at any rate) by catching hold of a passing whale.
While you're holding on tightly to the leviathan you hear some odd knocking sounds.
Libra September 23 - October 22
You need more chicken in your diet.
This horoscope is brought to you by Saturn and the Chicken Farmers of the World Association.
Eat more chicken this week.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
There is only so many times we can say you don't have a horoscope.
Oh, all right, one more time, then.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Slippers are very important to you this week.
Think of it like family values, but for your feet.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
There is a very good chance you're wearing silly socks.
And/or your partner's.
Why don't you invest in socks (note, not stocks) this week?
[Horoscopes. Distributed bookmarks! Built with WebObjects.]
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